good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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