Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
