Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
