You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize