we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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