"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
