I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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