threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
