Your dad touched me again.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
