apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
