Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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