Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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