Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
