just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Houston, we have a blender
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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