I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
