I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
