Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
