Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Your dad touched me again.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
