Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
