Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
