Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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