"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
