i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
