we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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