why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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