I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
