how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
where are my eyebrows?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
