John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
