I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
