There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
