You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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