WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
