note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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