So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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