Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
