i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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