In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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