Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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