he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
