Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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