You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
