Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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