break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize