She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
