Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
