I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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