oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
