I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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