He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
