I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
