apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
