Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
