oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
