I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
