so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
