Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
