Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
kristin has been a bad kristin
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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