I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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