I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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