My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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