I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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