We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
