well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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