You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize