forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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