he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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